my dad has only been gone 2 days yet it feels like ages, this doesnt seem real and i am really struggling with this. going to sleep for instance i feel guilty that i sleep because sleeping seems to be normal and being awake seems like a dream, i dont know how to say it, my Dad was a massive part of my life, when i was younger i wasnt allowed to see him, my mum left him and made me a pawn in her life, not allowing me to see my dad, when i got older i started a relationship up with my dad and for the past 17 years its been great, but now he has gone i feel like a kid again, yet i'm 36!i feel like Dads been taken away from me again and its not fair. I really thought he was getting better, on tuesday he was smiling at me, he was in pain but i think looking back he knew he was dying, i feel guilty i left him in the hospital on thursday night, but my new step mum got in contact with me and said i needed to go straight away to see him, as he was dying, it was the worst sight i have ever had to witness, i still see him gasping for breath,and really struggling. I dont know how to live now, thats strange, i know i have to because i have kids of my own, but i long to be with him again.and hes only been gone 2 days.!!