i miss you so much Dad. I keep dreaming that i have to choose who dies between you or my husband and i choose you. I just wake up crying all the time. The next dream was that you were in a house, with boarded up windows, i went in and saw you with beauty your dog, you looked at me and shook your head, you didnt want to talk about the fact that you were dead. You wouldnt come to terms with the fact that you had died and you were in your own hell with your dog! Oh my god it was so horrible that dream, I just hope that you have found peace. I still need to come to terms with losing you. Nearly 2 years now, its gone by so quickly. I am not well myself, and i hope when its my time to die you come back for me. Dad i love you so much, life is so different without you here! I cant phone you for a catch up or chat, i dont hear your voice xmas morning asking what the kids got and if i was happy etc. I miss my birthday cards but i am so glad i kept every single card you ever bought me! so i put them up! Dad i am so sorry i couldnt help you, but i held your hand until you got ur wings. I didnt let go, and i never will. Your my Dad and i adore you, your my special angel now. The brightest star in the sky sometimes winking at us. Your grand children miss you very very much. They adore their grandad, the magic trick with the paper bag, they loved that, and still talk about it now! I wished for you to be part of my life for so long! Then when you were it wasnt for that long, you got cancer and died, but in know if you could have got better you would have, because you wouldnt have left me. We had something very special. You were so proud of me, and you told me that in an email, we were so lucky to have had that time together to say how much we meant to each other, and how much we loved each other. And those emails you sent, oh my god do i teasure them!! Dad i wish you could see me, and see how much im missing you. but i want you to know that i am holding it together and keeping the girls happy. Dad I love you. xxxx