I am going to the chapel of rest tomorrow at 2pm, i am taking my children with me, they can see their grandad if they want too, they are 10,12,14,and 16, if the other 2 youngest kids dont want to see grandad thats ok, i just need to allow them to make that decision, they have written letters and drawn pictures for their grandad, i need to see him at peace and not have him gasping for breath as my last memory of him, this is really hard, but my man by my side is being brilliant, he loved my dad as much as anyone else, he makes it much easier. i live far away from my dad and his new wife, i dont have anything here that reminds me of dad, sometime i feel left aside, i havent got any deepest sympathy cards, no one knew my dad where i live, everyone has said sorry to my dads wife, and her family have had consoling words, i havent had any of that and i feel no-one cares that i am here really hurting, he was my dad, Delia my dads wife is doing all the funeral stuff etc, she has alot of things to tie up, she hasnt really sat down to think yet, I ring my dads home telephone number and talk to Delia and thats seems to be as close to my dad as i can get, thats sounds crazy, i feel as though when i say goodbye i only have my partner and kids, i dont have any other family, Delia has her grown up children their wives and husbands, plenty of people around her to say sorry and give her support when she needs it, i dont have that, and i need to feel close to him. In her house is my dads smell, his things are there, i feel him there, i dont want to be nasty, mean, annoyed, i just feel lost, alone and unable to cope.