went to see my dad at the chapel of rest today with just myself and my own family, it was really nice to see my dad at peace. The lasting memory of his gasping and fighting for breath was an horrendous one, but i have taken a lock of his hair, i could hear him in my head saying "dont scalp me will you!" I have also taken pictures of him fast asleep, so i can remember him like that instead of that horrible other memory i have of him, the grand kids wanted to see their grand dad, they kissed him, i took the photo first and showed them how grand dad looks so they wouldnt be scared, it was totally up to them if they went to see him, and they all did, they all cried and said they loved him etc. it was a very special moment for us all, on the way out my eldest daughter broke the handle of the mortuary gate and i am sure my dad would have laughed his head off at that, somehow i know he was there in spirit, i know thats the final time i ever get to kiss him or cuddle him, but to see him at peace like that, even knowing his is gone, its alot better than to have him in my head dying that horribly all the time. I dont know how i will be on friday, the funeral is 10.15am at the cremetorium, we have an hours drive to get to his house, then to follow my dad to the cremetorium is another hour, it will be a very long day. This is all just a blur at the moment maybe when i can sit and just think for a minute i will remember other things about my dad, even the kids say they have forgotten things about their grand dad but i told them their memories will come back to them after the sad event, and when they are just sitting quietly and thinking, its so hard they are 10,12.14 and 16 still too young to lose a massive part of their lives, well actually at any age to lose someone so dearly loved is very hard, but i am sure anyone reading this will know what i meant.